Things You Do and Do Not Say to a Pregnant Woman

Over the past five years, I have been blessed with three pregnancies resulting in three amazing blessings from the Lord. Currently, I am entering the third trimester with our first son. During this time, I have gathered that many people must not have been properly educated on things you Do and Do Not say to a pregnant woman. While I will admit, some comments can be pretty humorous when you look back on them down the road, at the time they can be some what damaging to a poor expectant mother who is doing her very best to look and feel confident and attractive. Since it seems that many of these "zingers" come from people you would think should know better, I have taken it upon myself to put together this little tutorial for those who might want to take note of what would and would not be appropriate "encouragement" for these carriers of life. =)

Regarding her appearance
Things you Do NOT say...
"Wow, you are really getting out there, aren't you?!"
"Are you sure there aren't twins in there?"
"How much longer did you say you have? oooo, I don't think you're going to make it."
"Are you sure they got your due date right?" (while staring in amazement at your belly.)
"Poor thing, you must be miserable!"
"Oh honey, you look TIRED."
"Wow, it must be any day now, huh?"
"Oh my goodness! You are huge!"

Each of these little nuggets come from personal experience as I have blossomed into motherhood, sometimes by strangers and sometimes by well meaning friends and family. Many of them are heard on a regular basis. I try to remind myself that they do not realize what they are saying and kindly nod and smile. Every once in a while I will politely say, "Thank you... I guess." or "Yes, I get that a lot." or "Just what a pregnant woman wants to hear." and occasionally I will actually say, "You know, that really isn't encouraging." They almost always follow it up with, "Oh, you know I just mean that you look adorable/beautiful/so cute, etc." Which leads to the following...

Things you Do say....

"What a beautiful pregnant woman."
"You just look adorable."
"Pregnancy really agrees with you."
"You make those maternity clothes look so cute."
"You are glowing/radiant."
"You are one hot momma." (depending on who says it)
"You are your most beautiful when you are pregnant."

Now, I am not suggesting that you lie to any particular sweet mother. Just pick something that will be genuinely uplifting to her and say it. Of course the good old proven rule still rings true, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." Silence would be better.

(First Pregnancy)

Regarding Birth Stories...
I guess it is human nature to want to share our most shocking or painful stories with others, and once it starts it seems everyone is out to top the next one. Might I suggest, any horror labor/birth stories be kept to yourself, especially when dealing with first time moms. I'm sure there will be plenty of other opportunities to share those with mom's looking back on these days, but I feel like every expectant mom has enough concerns to imagine without hearing about how some stranger's mother's sister's next door neighbor had a 60 hour labor resulting in a 10 lb baby and 2 months recovery. On the other hand, if you have an encouraging labor/birth story, please do share it if time allows though cause it does seem we only hear those gems on a rare basis. Of course if you feel you have some true wisdom that would be helpful, I'd suggest giving her your contact information. Then she can choose if and when she wants to pick your brain when she is ready.

(Second Pregnancy) 

Regarding Tips for Life After the Baby Comes....
She is probably already nervous and understanding that life is going to completely turn upside down. Instead of torturing her with tales of incessant crying, diaper changes, midnight feedings and colic, let her know how your life has never been the same and how you would never want it to be. Tell her how you didn't know that love could go so deep. Tell her how you gained a whole new love and appreciation for God's sacrifice of His son for us after you had your own child. Tell her how no one in the world will be able to bring comfort to that baby like his or her momma. Tell her about the inseparable bond that there will be between her child and her. Remind her that God is about to take her on the journey of a lifetime and there are few tools more effective than parenthood at shaping us into His likeness. Let her know you will pray for her... and do.

(Third Pregnancy)

Generally, I simply desire for expectant mothers to feel special. After all, she has been chosen to carry new life into this world. Hopefully, someone will find this helpful and maybe it will even make you smile as you think of when the same things were said to you or others (or maybe you said without thinking). If nothing else, it gives me a chance to feel like I have made an attempt to spare a few moms from "zingers" such as these. Mainly, I hope we can be an encouragement to new moms as they fulfill one of the greatest privileges we have as women. Though motherhood has brought some of the deepest struggles and heart aches to my life so far, I would say with no hesitation that it has been one of the greatest joys in my life. I hope to challenge both myself and others to view pregnancy as the great honor that it is and to encourage woman in general to view it the same.