Today has been overwhelming. Everywhere I look is stuff. Stuff that has come to represent "home" to me over the past 8 1/2 years of marriage. Each decoration, casserole dish, appliance, book, necklace, toy, outfit, etc. has some sort of memory tied to it; and honestly, it is hard to let go.
We have just over three weeks left here in Fort Worth before we start our journey toward South America. This is the city where we grew as a couple, welcomed home three babies, felt God's call on our life to missions, learned to balance work/home/school/family/ministry and so many other things; and now our time here is almost up. Every item in our home is being mentally cataloged as "this will go in a crate to South America that we won't see for a year and a half", "this will go in a suitcase to language school for a year" or "this has to find a new home cause we can't keep it." (The vast majority of which, falling into that last category.)
I didn't realize how many things I hold on to solely because they hold some sort of sentimental value, but I honestly have no practical purpose for keeping. A few weeks ago we met some other families preparing for moving overseas, and one of them said something that I found to be profound. He said, "As missionaries we have to learn to hold things in our hearts and not our hands."
Today I watched as people came to my home to pick up items we are selling. Each item has a story, but if I sat and shared each story I'd keep these sweet people all day and torture myself with emotion-laden memories. My prayer these past weeks has been, "Lord, help me to know which things will truly be a blessing to our family and which things are just stuff, so I can discern what things are worth keeping."
So, here I am with a very full heart and empty feeling hands (though I know they aren't truly empty). Our God is so gracious, and it is good to be reminded that the loss of that toy or table or couch doesn't mean I have lost the memories that went with them or the precious people that helped to make them. I'm simply learning to trust Him a little bit more. So, here's to holding things loosely and keeping an open heart. Thank you Lord for the process of refinement, and thank you for walking with me each step of the way.
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Soft tears are flowing as I read your heartfelt story. It is never easy letting go of things that have special memories. Take photos of those things and as you share the pictures, you can share memories with your family and friends. Perhaps, there will be that day when you laugh at the things you thought that you could not live without. As I walk thru our second building and see boxes packed from our move 3 years ago, I think that I have not missed them, or needed them, so why am I hanging on?
ReplyDeleteSo today my prayer for you is "Letting go, and letting God". What an amazing Proverbs 31 woman you are. Love and prayers, Aunt Elaine
Lori, I probably should not read things that I know are to choke me up when I am at work and have to answer the phone. I'm your mother & I know where you get keeping things from, so I can only imagine what you are dealing with. We will have to stay living where we are so I don't have to down size. I think of you like the Pioneer women only taking things that are necessary and a few things that are dear to their heart. I'm Praying for you as you have to finish packing.
ReplyDeleteI love you, Mom